i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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