: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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