Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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