1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
well you can't waste a boner
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
