i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
