if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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