we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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