you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
