put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
