I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize