you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
