I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
