my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
