wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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