my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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