She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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