it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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