Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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