I should be sponsored by Trojan
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
