me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
