i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
you guys were way drunker than both of me
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
