Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
