Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
