A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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