I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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