i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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