I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
