Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
