Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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