just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
