There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
