she was so not down for the gang bang
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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