My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
