Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize