i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
