maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize