my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
