It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
