There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
