he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
