I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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