I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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