I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
