All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize