Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
