Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
