So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
