from now on my penis is your penis
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize