Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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