ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
