Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
