At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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