He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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