My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
