he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
