the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
