Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Randomize