yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize