I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
