So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize