I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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