I'm jealous of your bromance
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Randomize
