You smell like a Billy Joel song
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
