i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
