no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
