Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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